Where to go Next?

Do you know what you want to do with your life? Do you know a career that you will be hapopy with? Well I don't and I feel so lost. I'm going to college and I don't even know what I want to major in. When will I know? Do I already know and I am just doubting myself? In high school I was always told that it's ok if you don't know what you want to do because you have plenty of time to figure it out. Well I'm done with high school and in college, so it's about time I figure it out.I have always thought I would like to be a nurse, but I'm not sure if I can handle all the learning. I don't want to waist my time or even fail. And what if I hurt someone I could be sued and lose everything. I have also thought about being a teacher. Teachers have really good benefits, a whole three months time off and you get paid for it. But there is the fact that you are teaching future leaders. There are other jobs besides Teachers and Nurses, but what?Well I suppose that it is still ok that I don't know. Hopefully I can figure it out.

Dirt Roads~Subseven

This walk is not the same without you -right here-by me-the twig I trip over is you...

Four More Days

Honesty
used to be
the core of me,
would set me free
By: S. Lewis

I listen...
Although I cannot remember the name of the poem or the rest of it...
I still listen just don't remember.

UMMM...

Tuesday I was not allowed to eat until I went to the Doctor and did my lab work. I didn't end up going to the doctor until about 11:30. That was fine but I also had to do a 2 hour test. This test was horrible. First they drew my blood, 3 different tubes of it, then I had to wait half an hour for them to get the results of my tests so that we could start the 2 hour test. The 2 hour test started around 12:45, and they made me drink this lemon lime tasting stuff. A half an hour after I drank the lemon lime stuff they drew my blood, then half an hour later they drew my blood again, and then an hour later they drew my blood again. By the end of the appointment I had been stuck nine times, in six different places, and at four different times. Not only was I very tired I also hadn't ate since 9:00 Monday night, so I was starving. My mommy took me to TGIF and I ate a big hamburger. That night I came home and started to look at my wounds and noticed these huge bruises where they had drawn blood. My mommy said that it is from them "blowing" my veins, which means going through or tearing my veins. Today I went to work and my uniform is short sleeves so everyone kept staring at my huge bruises. For some reason I felt like I was a drug addict and they where my needle marks.

Well I'm done complaining!

My computer clock says that it is 4:54 when it is 7:54. Stupid humanity or I guess technology.

NOW I'm done complaining!

What an Ending

I had the best drean ever last night! I dremt that Sarah and I went on a road trip and followed Relient K all over the country going to all of there concerts. The best part is that they started to remember us and then they asked us to come back stage to visit with them. We were so excited, but then my dream jumped or I can't remember it.. The next thing I remember is Sarah and I sitting in a hotel room. After sitting there for awhile and talking we decided to go outside for some unknown reason, but when we got outside all around us were RV's of famous people. We soon realized that we were at a big concert with hundreds of bands. Sarah and I ended up going seperate ways. I found Relient K's RV and then I saw Matty. He remembered me and then asked me to come into his RV. I spent the rest of the trip with him and we were in love. ( how gay am I?) Anyways one night I went back to my hotel to get sarah and she wasn't there and someone had trashed the room. I slowly stepped away from the door and went around to the side of the hotel room to look into the window.? I climed through the window( why not use the door?) and when I got inside I saw .... My Alarm goes off!!

Tears, snot and everything else slippery

I haven't written in a long time. I guess it's because I have been sooo busy: working, house sitting, school,and spending time wiyh my family.

I'm sad, because the bestest person in the world is leaving the country in two days! I'm sure going to be lonely...tear. Well I'm very excited also because I get to see my baby cousin (for the first time in two weeks). I remember when I went to China with Joanie to get Elisabeth. Joanie and I were a nervous wreck on "gotcha day". When we opened the door and they handed Elisabeth to Joanie I thought I was dreaming, because she looked just like the pictures,I thought she would have grown, I was so amazed and in shock I just started to cry. But Sarah you better take care of yourself.

Anywho! I'm going to go to bed im sleepy. To all a good night!

All things are good in a way

Today my mom woke me up and told me that she had made me a doctors appointment. I was glad because now there is a chance that I will get better. The doctor told me that I have bronchitis and an ear infection. She gave me two perscriptions and told me to take it easy. I told her that I had to work. She said I will write you a doctors note so you don't have to go back until Monday. This made me very happy know I can see Sarah and my family.

Sores, Scabs, Scrapes and everything else that hurts

I'm still sick! It's approaching two weeks. Im tired. I'm sick and tired. cough~cough

Ugh

I hate work! It kills me to work on the holidays. Since I have started working at Krogers I have missed Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, and soon to be Thanksgiving Christmas Eve, New Years Eve and New Years Day. And thats not including birthdays and other random parties. I just want to quit, but I want a job because I want the money. I never see my family any more. When I do have time to see them it is late at night and they are watching t.v.. I miss Sarah, Elisabeth, and Emilie so much. I want to put my two week notice in, but I don't have enough guts. All I want for Christmas is to be there! I really hate my boss I only work 5 hours on Thanksgiving, so I don't get too much time and a half pay, but on Wednesday and Friday I work 8 hours. When she knows your off school she works you to death. Well I'm done complaining eventhough there is much more to complain about.

Which to bury us or the hatchet?

I'm sick :{ ( cough~cough) Why is it that when I cough it usually consist of cough~cough instead of just cough?? Answer this I say!

Today I made my Christmas Wish List, and realized that there's not much I want this year. The one thing I want is to be off work Christmas Eve. My Christmas list contains many books, mostly P.C Cast, DVD's, and a bookcase. I decided that I want to start a collection of my favorite books and DVD's, so I always have something to do on a rainy day.

Eww! I just looked at my wall and there was a tiny white spider. It was very hard to see untill I smashed its guts all over.

This week I have three days off work instead of two, yayness! Tuesday, Wensday, and Friday for those who care yes I mean you, Sarah.

Well I'm done for today.
Farewell my dears! (cough~cough)

Tomarrow

Hi! haven't published in a while.

Sarah I stole one of your entries, because I thought it was cool. Well anyways, Next week I'm off Sun, Tue, and Fri. So maybe we can hang?

Well I'm going to go now

Waiting in hope...

Is

If I were a month, I'd be: October
If I were a day of the week, I'd be: Saturday
If I were a time of day, I'd be: Noon
I were a planet, I'd be: Pluto
If I were a sea animal, I'd be:Sea Horse
If I were a direction, I'd be: North
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be:Bed
If I were a sin, I'd be: endulgence
If I were a historical figure, I'd be:Lincoln gotta love the hat
If I were a liquid, I'd be: H2O
If I were a tree, I'd be a: Weeping Willow
If I were a bird, I'd be a: Dove
If I were a tool, I'd be: Key
If I were a flower/plant, I'd be:Daisy
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: Wind
If I were a mythical creature, I'd be a: Unicorn or Centaur
If I were a musical instrument,I'd be: Tuba
If I were an animal, I'd be a: Sloth
If I were a color, I'd be:Black
If I were an emotion, I'd be: Loved
If I were an element, I'd be: Hellium
If I were a car, I'd be: Toyota Prius(Hybrid)
If I were a song, I'd be: ? I don't want to be a song anyways. so ha
If I were a movie, I'd be: Sleepless in Seattle
If I were a book, I'd be: Fairy Tales
If I were a food, I'd be: Chili
If I were a place, I'd be:Frankenmuth, Michigan
If I were a material, I'd be: Silk
If I were a taste, I'd be: sweet and sour
f I were a scent, I'd be: cucumber melon
If I were a religion, I'd be:Christian
If I were a word, I'd be: identity
If I were an object, I'd be the: moon
If I were a body part, I'd be:eyes
If I were a subject in school, I'd be:Zoology
If I were a facial expression, I'd be: surprised
If I were a cartoon character, I'd be: Daria
If I were a shape, I'd be: Circle
If I were a number, I'd be: Pi, never ending

Another

Talk about Weird ackward feeling... Today I started a sprint class, EDL110. It is located in Jonston Hall on the second floor, and I've never been to the second floor so I was scared to go up there. I went up the stairs found my classroom and went in. My prof was already there writting on the board, and I was the only student. I was about 10 mins early, so he introduced himself and we talked. I finally looked at my clock and it was 10:05 and the class started at ten. I started to feel very ackward as if I was in the wrong class. He stood up and took attendance, which was a joke because I was the only one there. Then he started lecturing as if the class was full of people. Weird man. After he went throught the syllubus he informed me that many students don't come to the first class. Then he started asking me where I graduated, where I was from, my views on teens driving, having cells, working, credit cards, my favorite movie, my least favorite movie, the largest city I had been to, and my major. We talked for 45mins about me. I usually don't like to talk about me to strangers, but the more we talked the more I told him.

If you go to MUM you might know who my teacher is. I don't remember his name, but he is a black guy, with a good personality, loud spoken, and is very friendly.

Can you imagine being the only one in a class? What fun!

Yesterday I got to see a picture of Kaitlynn Anne. She is adorable. If you want to see a picture of her go to this blog.

Well got to go. Have to work. Die another day

Day

Hello!

Today I'm helping my mom clean and cook for my sister b-day party. My mom is always so serious about her cooking and cleaning. If people are coming over to our house it has to be clean, she is afraid that people are going to think she is a dirty person. That is a valid reason to clean, but my mom takes it way to serious! My mother is a very self conscious person and sometimes it takes me to my limits.

Today I slept in and went to Tim Horton's with Sarah. It was fun.

I'm so excited because next week I have Friday and Saturday off. That is awesome! But I'm sure I will have to make up for it in next weeks hours:(

Well I better get cleaning before my mom goes all psycho on me! Hugs and Kisses to the few I would hug and...

GRRR...

There are some days I believe my mom is out to get me, and there are thsoe few but memorable days when we have fun.

Today I was proud of myself, because I got up and cleaned my room and did laundry. I thought my mom would get mad if I just slept all day and didn't clean.
I got laundry from everyones room and washed everyones clothes(usually I just clean my clothes), so I thought I would be praised by my mom. but no

When I got home from work the first thing she said to me was you could have at least done some laundry! I was so confused. I told her that I did threee loads and did't have time to do anymore! I was so mad but anyways I'm going to go celebrate with Joanie so I'm done complaining!

Umm...

Tomarrow I don't have class!! I still have to work, but I get off at six and I'm going to spend the night with Joanie. I get to see Sarah and Elisabeth too.

I got my midterm grades today they are ok, A's B's and a C. I was so upset about my C in PSY. We only had one grade and I got a C.

Well I'm going to go now... I really didn't say much! Until again!

Hi! My Math class was canceled today and I came to the computer lab until my next class. I decided to write because I haven't in a while.

I have never told you what the name of my blog means. When I was a little girl I would always go driving around with my dad. We would just drive around for hours looking at his job sites or at new houses (this helped him get new ideas for a house he wanted to build). But anyways... He would always say "right on red unless your dead" when we where going to turn right. I always thought it was funny. I picked that name because it is random and it brings back good memories.

So I didn't know this but Friday and Saturday is our Fall break and we don't have class. That's awesome!! But anyways Sarah if you don't have to work then we can do something on Friday or Saturday. I get off at 6(I think) and I don't work on Saturday! Maybe we can go to the movies or to the haunted trail??

Well it's about time for my class to start, so I'm going to go now! Until next time!

Blah Blah Blah

This weekend I'm going to have my 18th birthday party. It's so exciting! I turned 18 two weeks ago, but couldn't get off work until know. The only thing I did on my birthday was go to Hustler and get my library card renewed. What fun. Hustler was very interesting, but there were lots of old men in there looking at porn. It was weird.

Next week I only have to work 15 hours. This is extremely rare, most of the time I have 30 hours a week.:{ I'm off Sun, Mon, Tues, and Fri!

Well I'm done writing I'm going to go to bed. I get to go watch my little cousin play soccer tomarrow morning. Until we meet again...

My Web site

In my CSA 151 class we had to make a web page using html. It was quite interesting and I figured I should advertise it because if I don't then no one will ever see my beautiful work, umm ok its not beautiful. But know I know how to do it and I can make a beautiful page. Well here it is!

Hi!

Catching up

Hi! I haven't written in the longest time. I guess it's because my life is soo busy right now! I'm either going to school, doing homework or working. When I have a day off I just sit around all day and visit with my family. I never realized how much I loved my family until I never see them. Most of the time at work I would day dream about Sarah and when I could see her next, but lately I've been thinking about my family and how I never see them. I've really been missing Elisabeth and Emilie.

I'm now 18! It took forever, but my birthday finally came. I spent my birthday with Sarah mostly. We went to Hustler, ummm... yeah Everyone knows whats in there so I don't need to go into any detail. It was fun we had to show our id's. I haven't bought a lottery ticket or tobacco yet!

I'm kinda depressed! My cat, Troy, (the only one of our cats I really ever liked) has been sick for a couple of days. He has a urinary track infection. It's so sad he just lays there and doesn't move. We took him to the vet, but they couldn't do anthing for him. My mom put him in a cage in the garage. Later that night we left to go see my Aunt June and when we came back home he was dead. I was the one that found him and that made it a whole lot worse. Death has a weird smell and I knew before I saw. How can someone die from a urinary tract infection? I think it was something more than that.

I need to be going I have to do some homework before work tonight.

What goes on in my head

I was driving home from work tonight and my mind was going crazy! I would drive by something and it would trigger al these memories! It is amazing how one memory can stir many different emotions!

Remember when...

• At Rachel's wedding your mom parked the Jimmy on a hill that was at a right angle! When you opened the door it flung open, but on the other side it was impossible to open the door. I can still see grandma getting out of the car and wishing that she was a little faster because the car looked like it was going to topple over any minute.
• Remember when we would stay all night with grandpa and there would always be chocolate doughnuts waiting for us when we woke up.
• Digging a hole in grandma's side yard because we thought a troll lived there!
• Going to bed at midnight, but talking until 2:00.
• Being scared to death to go in the deep end of grandma's pool because Joanie said that we would get sucked up by the vent.
• Spending the night at grandma's and being woken up by her banging the vacuum against the door on "accident".

Well I'm done for tonight!

Guilt

Do you know that feeling?? The feeling after you hurt someone you truly love? Well I'm feeling this. It's an overwhelming feeling of sadness, anxieties, doubt, depression and hatred towards yourself. If I could do it all over it would have been very different. The only thing that's holding me together is knowing our bond is very strong and we will eventually communicate again, but right know I will let the waves settle. I just want you to know that I'm truly sorry for hurting you and I Love You!

Need to Vent

I am so full of anger! Two days ago my brother had a friend spend the night. I worked until 10:30, but when I got home they kept bugging me to take them to McDonald's. I said no because I had no gas and I was very tired. They still bugged me. The next day around 12:00 I was going to get Elisabeth McDonald's. When I was walking to my car I noticed something very nasty on the driveway as I got closer I realized it was a broken egg. This pondered me. I just shrugged and kept walking. I got to my car and I noticed that it had been egged. Now, I've heard that eggs can ruin the paint of our car and these eggs have been on there for a while because they are crusty. I was furious! The only people that could have done this was Ben and his friend. The worse part was that Ben wasn't home so I couldn't hurt him. when I returned home from McDonald's I told my mom and the only thing she did was give me $2 to go clean my car. Now I'm not a parent and I'm not a child expert, but that was not a punishment. I haven't seen Ben these past two days and I had cooled down, but I came home from work tonight and there he was and the moment I saw him I became furious all over again. I asked him why he did it and he shrugged his shoulders. I wanted to punch him in the face or worse! I didn't, but I'm still regretting that decision!

What I'm Scared of

I'm scared of many things, but I try not to show it. When it comes to insects I most fear big hairy spiders or tiny fast spiders. They are just so ugly and...ugh enough with the spiders. Snakes are weird, but they only scare me when they sneak up on me. I'm afraid of dreams what they may show me. New people scare me to death, you never know what kind of impression you made and what they are thinking. Love scares me because i'm afraid I will never experience it. i'm also afraid that I will never have a guy to myself; a true boyfriend. I'm also afraid of death, not so much the dying and not being here anymore but the pain that may come with it. Since I work at night most of the time I have developed a new fear of being raped, mugged, followed, or kidnapped. It freaks me out when I have to walk to my car by myself. I always make sure I'm holding my keys in my hands ready to defend myself and also to get away faster.I guess you can say I'm most scared of being scared. I don't want to look like a sissy girl and I don't want people to know my fears in the chance that they want to use them against me.

Lots of money and don't know what to buy

Yesterday I went to my grandmas house. We were cleaning the table getting ready for supper when I found a Best Buy gift certificate. My grandma said it had been there for a month and no one has claimed it and if I called to find out the balance I could have it. I figured it didn't have a balance, but when I called it said it had a $25 balance. It was awesome! That night I went home and started looking at the mail and I got my reward zone rebates, $55 worth. So I have $80 in gift certificates and I have no idea what I want to buy. I guess I will go and look around. If ou have any ideas let me know.

It's Awesome

I finally got high speed internet in my room! It's awesome. Since I live in the farmlands of Ohio and I can't receive cable I thought there was no chance of ever getting high speed internet. I'm defiantly spoiled now! Well I got to go. I think I might be babysitting today!

What a day!

Today I had an awesome day! Sarah and I went to the Kenwood Mall, it was very fun. We went there for one main reason to eat at the Cheesecake Factory. This place was great and I would highly recommend it to you. The portions are very big, but that's why there are to-go boxes. Sarah and I both had the Godiva Cheesecake for dessert, yum-yum. After we finished eating we walked around the mall, it was nice.
Later that day after we got home and ate seconds we spent some time with Elisabeth. I love that child to death. She is beautiful! Elisabeth begged us to watch Cat in the Hat, we did.
That night we went to see I, Robot. That is a very good movie, you definitely get your money's worth. It makes you wish that you had robots that could do things for you. Well I'm tired and need to go to bed! Until we meet again!

When were you going to tell me?

Today as I was leaving to take my cousin to a friends I interrupted my mother on the phone to ask if I could have the credit card to buy gas. This is not unusual My parents have bought my gas since I got my license, but recently after I got a job I would pay every other weeks gas. My mother looked at me and said "Why should I buy your gas?" Hello you've bought my gas from the beginning! I explained how it was her week to pay and she finally gave that "yes" that really means no if you want to live. I'm not sure why she was acting this way, but I figured it had something to do with Pam hearing our conversation. I was so angry that I just left and bought my own gas! I don't want to sound like a spoiled brat, I know that some kids have to buy their gas from the beginning. It's not that big of a problem for me to buy my own gas, I would just liked to be informed when I have been kicked off the gas paying carpet.

Feeling alone...Yet never alone

I live in the basement. Tonight it is very quiet and cold. Some nights there are people watching t.v. and being very loud, but tonight I hear nothing. Most of the time I am down here alone. I know silence, but these last two nights I have heard a grasshopper in my window. At first I was very annoyed by the chirping, then it grew on me and now I like the company. Many nights as I lay in my bed awake the only thing I hear is my mom's t.v. and the occasional pop of her old chair as she gets up to go to bed. I once was annoyed by the loudness of the t.v. now I like the reassuring feeling.

Sarah and I found a new concert to go to. It sounds very exciting although I must admit that I have never heard any of these bands. It is in Cincinnati at a club called The Underground. When I first heard this name I thought I might not want to go, but then I found a website on it and it is very nice. It's a Christian club and best of all it has a smoothie bar in it. Yummy...

Tonight at work a very rude lady came through my line. She asked if she could write her check $40 over the total. I told her no that we can only except checks that are $20 over the total. She got very angry and started telling me (very loudly and meanly) that it use to be $50 and that I didn't know what I was talking about. For her sake I asked my manager and she told the lady the same thing. The lady was still very upset, but she wrote her check $20 over. The whole time she was mumbling to herself " I shouldn't have asked, why did I bother to come here, if I would have just written the check and handed it to you then you would'nt have said one word about it". At this point I was feeling this burning in my sinuses, the burning you get when you hold back tears for a long time. I handed the lady her money and receipt and told her to have a good night. She rudely said "I was having a great night until I had to come here". My whole opinion on this subject is that if you are a 40 year old grown adult and you want to yell at a 17 year old about something they have no control over then this makes you an incumbent.

I'm upset right now because I just realized that the Y doesn't always work when I'm typing. This makes me mad because I've only had this keyboard for a month and it should work perfectly. Is that to much to ask? On the other hand a human built it and no one is perfect.

Well I'm getting tired. Good night!

What a day!

I went to a Christian Concert last night and it changed me forever. At that concert I learned of a Christian Organization called Compassion. www.compassion.com. This web site has thousands of pictures of innocent children that can be sponsored. If you sponsor a child they will receive money from you and this money will be used to send them to school, teach them about God and to give them better living conditions. I went to this web site and my heart broke at the number of children there was and I decided to make that number one less. My little girl is from the Philippines, she is five years old and lives with her mom and dad. She is adorable! What made me pick her was her name... Joanne. This is the name of my grandma and I believed God was trying to tell me something. Lets be serious there aren't many Joanne's these days!

The concert was great! I saw some new bands and best of all I experienced it with my favorite person in the whole world, Sarah. My new fav Christian band is Subseven they gave me this embarrassed, but yet awesome feeling inside. I can't wait for their CD to come out! I loved Relient K as always, they are very interesting. I have decided that I don't like Audio Adrenaline, because of their lead singer. I had a great day. I wish I could have bought some more suviniors.

Well I better be going. Nice talking...well writing.

The World To Me

Last night I came home from work and my favorite person in the whole world was warming up my dinner, Sarah. This made me very happy! While I ate she talked and talked. I think the reason im a quiet person is because of sarah. She has taught me that sometimes it's better to just be quiet and listen.
After I ate dinner we went outside and built a fire and ate smores. I don't like somres, but I withstood the lung burning smoke and blood sucking creatures just so I could spend a little more time with my family.(Its amazing how amuzing your family can be)Most of the time it's Lauren making a fool of herself. She is the biggest blonde in the world. She is an A student, but when it comes to common sense well... she has none. It just gets worse when she is around nick or any other hot guys.
Well I'm going to go, my mom is calling me! Until we meet again!

What am I thinking?

I have never been good at writing. So why would I make a web site full of room for ME to write? I have no idea. I guess this is a place where I can be me without worrying about what people will think of me. My whole life I have worried about what people think of me. Not anymore... well at least here!