I,I,I,I That's all you'll find here

This week has been eventful and promising.

I started a new book, Eragon. I'm thankful that it isn't a "let down" like the last books I read. I'm halfway through the book and I really like it, although, I keep thinking about Lord of the Rings as I'm reading. I suppose it has to do with all the magic, elves, dwarfs, and so on. I can't wait to finish it.

This week I have been watching the girls. They are a real handful. Kaitlynn is going through the awkward phase of not being understood when she talks. She gets so frustrated; the look on her face as she repeats, over and over, what she wants makes my heart break, and I can't do anything but say, "I can't understand", "I'm sorry", "Try to show me what you want"... Most of the time she gives up and starts to pout. Elisabeth... Well there's not much to say... She is still Elisabeth, with her girlie attitude and determination.

Tomorrow I'm going shopping with my sister and then I'm off to spend some time with my friends. I have coupons to Lane Bryant and Fashion Bug, so I will be spending most of my check on clothes and accessories. Then later I'm going over to Misty's house to see her, Stephanie, Sarah, and Levi. It will be fun because her mom and step dad are out of town this weekend, so we don't have to walk around on tip-toes around her mom.

My Aunt Missy called me today and wants me to house sit next week, August 8-11. I'm going to do it, but that is also the week I told my job that I would probably come back. I don't want to do both. I suppose, even though I'm dreading it, I need to call my work tomorrow and tell them I'm not going to come back until the next week. That will be a month off work, and man will I hate myself when school starts and there's no money.

Well I'm done playing catch up.

Disbelief.Denial.Bargaining.Guilt.Anger.Acceptance.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. My actions ruined your day and everyone else's. I really do hate family drama, and today I was the reason for the drama... I was told by many people that your mom admitted to it, but I'm not sure that is the truth. I should have never said anything especially if it was rumor. I really am sorry.

Blah, Blah, Blah.... And so on

Wow! I haven't posted in a while. It's mostly to do with my busy and totally uninteresting life. Many things have happened since my last post, but none worth wasting my time or yours. Well that's not true. There have been some life altering events in the past month, but I don't want to talk about them. For the past three weeks my life has been revolving around the same three topics and I want something new. There is nothing new. Oh well I suppose I'll have to wait around until something surfaces. Hopefully it doesn't take too long because I may lose my sanity.

Here she is!

Isn't she adorable!

Isabel Grace Clay

Today we got our adoption referral. Our baby is soo cute. She doesn't look very Asian and she is somewhat bald, but she is still cute. My mom is crazy for wanting another child. I have been trying to talk her out of it since she started the process, but now is the point where I have to shut up and start supporting her. She already has the papers signed and mailed.

Attack of the Rat Man!

I watch this video all the time. Each time it makes me laugh until I cry. It is soo funny.

Well guess what. I have my family reunion this weekend ( I totally forgot) so the Cheesecake factory is a no, unless you want to go on Thursday night. My party isn't until Friday, so Thursday is good with me or we can wait to go next weekend. It is up to you.

If You Were to Die Today Would You be Happy With Your Life Achievements?

I stole sun glasses from Target... It happened on accident. I was looking at the Clearance items, and I found sunglasses that I liked. I was holding them in my hand for a long time, but then I wanted to pick something up so I hooked the glasses to my purse. Well...I forgot all about them. I went through the line, walked out the door, drove home and still didn't realize they were hooked to my purse.

Two days later I found the sun glasses in my my floor half way under my seat. At first I thought they were Lauren's, but then I saw the tag. My heart dropped. My body felt cold and hot at the same time.

What am I supposed to do? Take them back to the store two days later and say, "I stole these and now I have decided to pay for them." Yeah Right!I feel like a criminal. Did the alarm go off in the store? Did anyone see me?

Whew!

This weekend was a really long one. Lauren's graduation party was this weekend, so I helped my parents prepare for the party. I had lots of fun. I played three games of volleyball, played in the pool, and talked to my family. I ended up getting sun burned. It's not an oww that hurts burn, but rather a hah I will be tan in a few days kind of burn.

This week I only have to work today. It's going to be a long day. I hope too many people aren't calling me on the phone and cussing at me. Great the phone is ringing... Regina my boss answered, so far so good.

My dad made an offer on 30+ acres of land last week. He is supposed to be contacted this week to see if we get it or not. The land is so pretty. There is a stream that cuts through the front, we will have to build a bridge to get across. There is enough room for a pond and to ride our four wheelers. My dad said that if he got the land he would sell his Harley. "They are too dangerous. I don't want to get killed right in the middle of a big change and leave your mother alone to handle it." I thought it was cute...

Well I better get back to work. Not that there is a lot to do.

What else can I say?

I haven't written in a while. I want to write but I am not sure what to write or I suppose I'm not sure of how to go about writing what I am truly feeling.

I check on my blog often. I come to visit and re-read things I wrote in my past, I check to see if I have comments, but most of the time I stare at the screen wanting so badly to spill my secrets and deep feelings. I never do.

Sometimes I check on my blog to see if anything new has been written, not necessarily comments but posts. I know there will be nothing but I check often... daily. Weird...Well, I know I am...

Lately, I have been disappointed in people. It's not necessarily their fault either. I just don't feel like I have the support I want and need. I always try to support people. And if I believe they are doing the wrong thing I try to give my input. I always welcome input. I may not listen or may get a little mad at first but in the end I always appreciate it. Mostly because people think differently, they may see a possible outcome that you did not. If they support what you are doing then they can make you feel more comfortable about your decisions. I suppose that's why I'm disappointed because I don't feel comfortable.

An OMG Moment!

Final Grades were posted today. I was nervous. I got all A's; that's a 3.86.
Yah Buddy!

####Ashley's####Life####

Lately I have felt that I have a void in my life. Like I'm not complete. I'm not sure what to do with this void. I have tried to feel it with many things: family, friends, food, school; but none work. In respect I feel like a failure. Being a "failure" doesn't make me depressed or angry like you would assume, but mostly I feel on edge and unsettled.

I feel like I have no direction in my life. One day I want this and the next something totally opposite, and each day I feel totally content with my decisions. I suppose you can just call me a girl or immature.

Ramblings of a bored student worker

Hi!

I got my work schedule for the next few weeks and I have less hours, but that doesn't bother me any.

I keep getting the hic-ups.

I'm so bored right now! Stuck at work with nothing to do... Well I could be studying but we know that's not going to happen. I'm so bored I'm sleepy! I want a raspberry white chocolate mocha!

It's funny how you can't tell how much time has passed for me by reading this. I was just on the phone for 7m and 39s with a student who told me her life story and how she hated her aerobics professor and how she needed to talk to someone to get her prof in trouble. grr... The name Students Services is just a big advertisement to students wanting any type of service. We should rename our office "can't find that here" or "that's upstairs".

Ok I'm done rambling! I have no more energy to ramble or I would keep going.

A question

In what ways can a classroom be like a family or should I not go there?

DaRn It!

Today I was thinking about postcards. Don't ask! I have no idea why. I just realized that the postcard I sent my family from Canada never made it to them. That makes me much sad. I hate the mail system! Grrr!

I have to do a project on the Savanna for one of my classes. I've decided to play a clip from The Lion King. I think the part where Simba has taken his spot as king and the land that was on fire is put out by the rain and all the bad and evil is washed away will be a good clip. I love that movie it makes me cry everytime. I'm also going to try and find some cookie cutters shaped like the animals of the savanna and make some sugar cookies to pass out. Some times it's great being an early education major because I get to act like a big kid.

Toots for now!

"Do you like my sweater?"

My head hurts... I'm so stressed! College, at times, sucks!

In all of my classes I have group presentations and/or reports. Why do professors save huge projects for the end of the semester? It is stupid especially if they expect the students to actually try and do a good job. Most people blow off end of the semester projects. I know I'm half tempted, but there is the issue of trying to get into the Cohort. Miami University Oxford... *insert bad thoughts*

Ok that's enough sulking over the inevitable.

Something happy...? Anything... Aha I know: I went to see my baby cousin,Jenna, last night. She is around 30 days old. She is so beautiful. I love her to death, already. The last time I saw her she slept the whole time, but last night she was awake most of the time. She has beautiful blue eyes.

I'm so hungry I haven't eaten all day. I want a big Marble Mocha Maciatto and a cinnamon scone. Too bad I'm poor.

Y'all come back now ya hear

Your Linguistic Profile:

75% General American English

10% Yankee

5% Dixie

5% Midwestern

5% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Now that's Yummy!

I have been waiting for a day just like this. You walk outside and immediately you feel the warmth of the sun. Yummy!

Today was the etiquette luncheon. I learned how to eat and talk like an upper-class person.

I actually learned a lot of new networking (conversation), formal dining, and dressing for success tips. I now can dine in a five star resturant and not feel overwelmed and uncomfortable. If only I was certain that I would get to use these new tips.

Well I better get back to work or they will fire me!

So far so good

I took my test today. It was interesting to see how different the questions were. They were easier.

I thought I was going to fail the reading because I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't concentrate because I left my phone in my pocket. And as you know that is a big no no. They have you lock all of your things up so you can't cheat or copy the test, and if they would have seen my phone they would have freaked.

I got there at 8:00 and the doors were still locked so I stood around. At 8:10 I took my phone out to see what time it was. All of a sudden the lady opened the door in my face, so I put my phone in my pocket so she wouldn't see that I was checking the time. I went in and filled the paperwork out, they locked up my belongings and I started the reading portion of the test. About half way through I put my hand in my pocket and felt my phone. I got this sickening feeling in my stomach and I felt hot and cold at the same time. I couldn't think of anything else.

Did I turn it off? If it does ring I can hit the button on the side and mute it. If they catch me will they forbid me to take the test ever again? Will I have to switch my major? OK calm down Ashley just get through the reading and raise your hand to go to the restroom... that was my decision. Wait. The whole second half of the test my mind was racing. When I finished I raised my hand and asked,"May I go to the restroom?"
she said, "make it quick."
I said, "I'll need to get in my locker."
"why?"
"It's that time of the month."
"Fine"
I went to the restroom and put my phone in my purse and washed my face. I felt like a felon. I got over it. Went back to the test and did well.

I passed my math by 7 points and my reading by 2 points. Now I have to play the waiting game to see what I get on the Writing portion. Hopefully I did well.

I have that heavy feeling lifted from my shoulders... for now... until I start writing my essay and catch up on my school work. For the next couple of days I'm going to do nothing besides watch my blockbuster movies! Yours, mines and ours, Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind, and Poltergeist. Weird selection.

ReLiEnT k!

YaYnEsS! Tomorrow is the Relient K concert. It's a bit of happiness entwined with all of this chaos. I want to buy a shirt. Will they have one in my size? For now I'm going to stay optimistic. Sarah gets to go backstage and meet them. I'm jealous, but not too jealous becuase I would feel way uncomfortable and wouldn't know what to say.

Last night I signed up for Blockbuster online. I already have 55 movies on my Queue. Wonder how long it takes to get the first set of movies?

I'm nervous about the Praxis, but I'm sure you are sick of hearing about it. The more I study the worse I feel becuase I realize how much I don't know. I, I, I, I, ok enough.

Sorry I didn't call you after CSI. I felt to sleepy. I'll call you today.

Peace Out

A poem

Life
By: Me :)

Oak tree helicopter flying madly,
Slowly falling, oh so sadly,
Dead in time, in space, in reason,
Forgotten with the change of season.

!Hola!

I got my movies in the mail today! YaY!! I was very surprised that I got them this early, Harry Potter just came out on Tuesday, I was betting that they would come while I was in Canada and that would have made me disappointed. YaY!

Work is going by so slowly! I am sooo bored and I'll be right here again tomorrow! I hate working past 5 because there are few students who come in.

I started cleaning my room last night. I like work that you can see a dramatically different end. You can say "I did that!:)" It makes me feel good that I did something. Maybe that's why I keep my room such a mess? Probably not. My mom always says I keep my room a mess just to make her mad, and it's my way to have something on her. Whatever!

I can't wait until Spring Break! Relaxation! No school, No Ben, No loudness, No homework, No work, .... ahhh ;) Nature, prettiness, Sarah, Books, ...

The countdown has started

5 days left until we start off to Niagara Falls. Way exciting! I have so much to do before we leave. Like laundry, cleaning, packing, figuring out what to pack, getting money from bank, shopping for snacks, figuring out what snacks to take, things to do (entertainment) for the car ride, and etc...

So, if you don't hear from me until I leave don't get too worried. I'm just a little stressed. For no reason.

Toots! Ash

The calm after the storm

Today I feel happy.

This week I have read three books. My first and favorite of the three was Goddess of the Rose. It was goood! The second was The Giver. I last time I read the Giver was in fifth grade and I was made to read it so I didn't really "read" it. When I went to the library I saw it in the juvenile section and wanted to reread it. It was good, but not as good as I thought it would be. ? I think they should make a movie about it?. The third was the first book to The chronicles of Narnia. It was also good. I feel like a little kid reading books for little kids.

I feel like a nerd because I have been carrying a book around with me all week.

We get to go shopping today! That will be exciting! I hope we can find some really good books on C.D. It would make our long drive to Niagara Falls more pleasurable.

I'm thinking of skipping class on Saturday. I'm just so bored in there and I want a free Saturday. Talking of Saturday my aunt is having her babyshower. I would like you to come if you want and it doesn't interfere with other plans. My mom and I are going shopping afterwards to buy stuff for Spring Break, so if you want to come. ;)

Well I better get back to work or they will fire me. jk

I Frighten Myself and I Give Him the Satisfaction of Defeat

I do. I frighten myself a lot. I am one of those people that holds my anger in, and at times I lose control of myself.

If you know my brother then you also know that he is out of control. He is allowed to do whatever he wants and seldom gets punished for it. I'm not saying that I'm perfect. I also got away with many things and so did my sister, but my brother is far worse than I would have ever dreamt of being. My parents aren't what you would call strict.

Today Ben came home with my mother after his therapy (I wish this therapy dealt with his head but it doesn't). They had went to Target and Ben bought some snacks. He handed me some popcorn and said, "Here you can have this, but don't give any to Elisabeth until she is nice to me." I took the bag and gave some to Elisabeth. I knew the only reason she was being mean was because of Ben; 10 minutes before, when Ben wasn't there she was perfectly happy.

Ben, mad at me, slaps me in the head. Hard. I get mad and tell..well scream at him not to touch me. I slap him back in the arm. As soon as I hit him I knew that I shouldn't have. He slaps me again in the face. Very Hard. I walk towards my mom for help. She, of course, is acting like nothing happened. At this moment I am angry, no very angry. His physical abuse always goes unpunished. I tell... well scream at my mom to do something. Nothing happens. He follows me towards my mom. He demands that I give the popcorn back to him. I lay it on the counter in the laundry room, so that I don't have to get near him. He pushes me out of the way to get the bag of popcorn. This makes me more furious than I have ever been.

Inside of me I feel like screaming for no reason, at my mother, and at my brother. I felt my body get hot and tense. I knew what was coming. I tried to calm down, but after looking at my mom who was conviently looking through a magazine and then at my brother who was smiling at me I could control it.

I get in his face and push him with all of my power. He moved back two feet showing how weak I am. This makes me even more angry. I feel my hands ball up into fist and I start swinging with all of my might. I hit him, twice, before the embarrassment and shame take hold. He looked as if he would start laughing. I got all of my things and ran downstairs where I plan on staying the rest of the night.

When I started hitting him all I wanted to do was to make him feel as bad as I did inside. It didn't work. I only accomplished to make myself feel ten times more horrible than I felt before I lost control. You would think now that I realize that nothing good comes from hitting him that I wouldn't do it again, but I tell myself that everytime I hit him and I still do it. I felt so vulnerable and that is the worst feeling in the world. I have lived my whole life vulnerable to other peoples thoughts, comments, and stares. When I feel vulnerable and I am able to do something about it I do. That is usually at people within my family.

I started writing this post in hopes to vent my anger and frustration, but I have done much more than that. I always knew that my vulnerability was the reason I fought back but seeing it written down, and working through what I want to say, and knowing that other people will read it makes me hope that next time I will be able to control myself and think before I act.

Wow! I haven't updated in a while

Well there is nothing interesting that is happening in my life... unless you consider school interesting. My blog is boring! It's because, lets face it, I am boring. I have nothing entertaining to talk about and I'm not artistic, so what else is there except updating you on my boring life.

Well here's the latest update. I got a B on my Science test. Not what I was expecting but what I deserve because I didn't study that much. I have a lot of up coming projects I have to start on. My Lesson plan for Science, my tree report for Botany, my literature project for math, and later my report for Nursing. Fun!!!

I'm at work right now eating corn pops for lunch. Corn pops are good when you eat them dry.

I hate Fridays because I have to get up early and I have a three hour break from 10-1 and I get very lonely and bored.

I'm going to download yahoo messenger on the computer at work, so late at night when I am here I can talk to you! That sound good? ashflow6 what a stupid name maybe I should get a new name like aclaysweetie? or powerrangersrock?

Well I'm done for now.

Tell Me Something I Didn't Already Know!

Lauren is a complete and utter moron. This week she was checking the Findlay website to make sure that Nick's spring Break was right. She was wrong! Nick's spring break is the week before ours, so he isn't going to be able to go. I am still trying to talk her into going but I'm not sure if she will. Can we say "Lauren is a complete and utter moron?" That's fine we can still have a good time without them.

Took my EDT 182 test today. It was way long! I'm thinking I pull a B. Well I'm at work not working and I think that is a bad thing so I should do something. Talk at you later! LoVe

By the Hair on my Chiny-Chin-Chin

I got an A-- on my Botany test; 90%.

Enough Said... well, written

Whew!

Today I took my first test in Botany. It was really hard. I studied my notes for hours and I read all the material. The test didn't follow the notes at all so I'm concerned about my grade. Hopefully I won't completely bomb it. I would be happy with a C.

I wore my new shoes today! They are really loud when I walk down the hall. Right now my feet are hurting because I have been walking all over campus. I'm also wearing my new socks. I found out that if you have a shoe that is low cut in the front then you can wear your socks backwards and then they fit better and you can't see them.

Update

I am reading Ender's Game. I am defiantly more involved with this reading than my previous. So far I really like the book, but I'm only to page 30. I have just learned that Ender has been chosen to go away to Battle School and he has accepted this invitation. I have four and a half hours of work to go so I should get far. I'm really not suppose to be reading for leisure only school material.

What kind of story should I write about? Who should I make the main character? Past or futuristic? Magical or not? You tell me.

Shhh... I'm at work

Today has been a fun day. I finished up my Science project because I thought we had until Wednesday to present but my prof switched our day to Monday. We had to make a powerpoint and I like those. There are so many different things to do with the slides.

I'm too negative. I always think about the negative first. When planning ahead the negative is easier for me to see and the positive doesn't dawn on me until after the fact. I suppose once I have experienced *anything that sounds interesting* I am more willing to see the good that came out of it. I've been trying to change, but it's hard. Everyone around me is negative...well most people (you not included).

In the past couple of years I didn't see my dad very often, but lately I have been enjoying his company more. My brother, my dad and I have started playing pool everynight. It is fun. I love hearing my dad's stories he always has someone to make fun of. I really am bad at pool, I can only get better so what's there to lose?

For my blog I'm going to start writing a series story. Every week or so I'm going to add to my story. It will be interesting to see where it goes.

Well I only have 10 minutes until I go home, so toot-a-loo until next time.

That's messed up!

I seriously have obsessive compulsive disorder! I was watching Dr. Phil last week and his guest had extreme cases of OCD. I believe that I have a form of OCD were I count everything.

While I'm walking I count. I try to get two steps in between each crack in the sidewalk and if I don't then I feel weird like I need to redo it.

While I'm driving I count the cracks in the road, I count cars, pedestrians, mailboxes, and I even take the numbers on mailboxes and add them together to see if it is even or odd and if it is odd it is "bad".

When at school or work I write notes over and over until my hand writing is perfect and all the letters are the same size and spacing. Recently I have started to type my notes out so I don't use so much paper. At work when taking a phone message I can write it and re-write it three to four times. So far in my checking book I have ripped out three pages because the transactions were out of order and my handwriting was bad.

Throughout my day I count and count and count. I count stairs, patterns, and other totally random objects. I like even numbers and multiples of three.

I'm probably being a hypochondriac but this is my life and what goes on inside my head.

I have left message with machine and human.

You are a very hard person to get ahold of! I wanted to let you know that I received our Relient K tickets.

"We were talking together and I said 'What's up with this weather'"

Yesterday it was around 50 degrees outside and today it's 30 degrees with an inch of snow on the ground. Now that's Ohio weather for ya. I can't wait until there is a "High of 75" that's the perfect temperture.

I put pictures on my facebook the other night. I had lots of fun taking my pictures, becuase I have no pictures of any of my friends or my family. It's all my fault because I deleted them all when I restored my computer. Idiot! I'm going to start carrying my camera around with me so that I have more pictures

I bit my tongue really bad and now there is a permanent bump on the bottom, and it feels like I have food caught under my tongue

I'm finding that I have limited time for myself. There's no time to do anything except school, work, and some homework, but this is no different than previous semesters so what am I complaining about?

I did rent three movies the other night and I was much happy with my choices. I got Sky High (very good movie I want to buy it), Fantastic 4 (also a good movie and I'm considering buying it), and Mr and Mrs Smith (also a very good movie).

Well I'm off to observe the night sky and then researching comets and asteroids and then ending my night with some CSI. Love to all!

Catch up

School started today! Last night at about 12:30 AM I was checking my schedule on-line and saw that in fact I do have lab the first week, so I hurried to bed and had to get up at 7:30 AM. A lot of my friends from last semester are in many of my new classes, except Sarah :( , so hopefully school will go a little faster.

This Saturday at 6:00 I am having a home and Garden party at my house and you are invited! I know it isn't very exciting, but it is a favor for the women who sells the stuff. She is new and has only done a couple of parties, so my mom and I planned a party so she could have some extra practice. There's free food and door prizes and it only takes up about an hour and a half of your night.

I start my job officially tomorrow! Kinda nervous because I will be at the front desk all by myself. Wish me luck! Adios for now! Love ya!

i Pod...

I told my mom not to get me one, but she did and I'm glad because it is way awesome! I'm going to take it everywere.

Spiraled Crap on a Stick Fried

There aren't very many instances that I have to brag about me or to have my family brag about me, and when I finally have a great reason to look for adornment there is none. This semester I received a 3.70 GPA; I had the final grades of 3-A's and 1-B. Not even in High School, or ever, did I get these kind of grades. I was ecstatic! I finally got to brag about my good grades, instead of Lauren taking all the glory.

When I first learned of my good grades everyone was sleeping, so I printed a sheet off, wrote a note to my mom, and laid it across her purse so she couldn't miss it. The next morning I woke up for work and as I was leaving I saw the note and there was no response. I was slightly upset, so on my home from work I called my mom and she said she had seen it and she was happy for me. She did congratulate me but, according to me, not enough. I was way more excited than she was. She had always wanted me to get good grades, and now that I had finally done it she wasn't that excited. And above all I had received my good grades at college level! Out of my whole family Lauren was the most excited for me, and she even offered to take me shopping and to buy me lunch. If it wasn't for her...

Today has been a sucky day! I got up at 9:30 to help my mom clean and cook, but the day didn't turn out that way. My mom defiantly turns psycho around kids and yet she wants to get another one. Whatever!

I was told yesterday to do laundry, so when I got home from work that's what I did. In all I washed, dried, and folded three loads of laundry, and there were still two left to do. In my mothers eyes I did nothing because the laundry wasn't completely finished, so today I woke up to start the rest of the laundry, but that wasn't good enough because Lauren had been up since 8:30 cleaning the whole upstairs. Lauren is always better at everything. She is my mother's perfect child and in return Lauren is able to do whatever she wants.

I'm not the child that sneaks people into the house at 1:00 AM to drink and play pool, I'm not the child that is so dependent on my parents that they have to by my gas and support my weekly "fun time", and I'm most certainly not the child that smokes pot and sneaks friends over to the camp fire to drink and vandalize other peoples properties. And I'm also not the child that is the favorite, and in order to be the favorite I guess I will have to start smoking pot, drinking on a regular basis, and mooching money from everyone that has the breath of life. I'm not perfect but I do deserve more than what has been dealt.

Right now I'm at the lowest I've ever been! And I wish it would end!

I haven't told Joanie

I got a new job! yayness! I'm now going to be working in the student services office in johnston hall. My boss Regina Williams is way awesome. I think the work atmosphere will be way better than at Krogers, so hopefully I will enjoy my job and look forward to going to work everyday. I will be responsible for is answering three telephone lines, scheduling appointments, mail, helping students, and any odd jobs that the advisors want me to do. The only thing I'm nervous about is trying to remember all the advisors names and answering and transferring phone calls. I never have to work the weekends or holidays and my requested hours are Tues, Thurs, and Fri 12-7.

I haven't told Joanie and I'm quite scared. Hopefully she wont kill me! I will miss seeing kaitlynn all the time.

This weekend, Sat night or Sun, I'm planning on getting everyone together to play cards. I'm going to make sure Ben isn't there so the noise will be minimal. I hope everyone can make it because I need to have a day of relaxing family time. All of my exams have taken a toll on my stress level, but I'm sure you understand completely.

A little early bit all the same

In the year I resolve to: Start smuggling contraband in baby diapers. Get your resolution here

It is almost gone!

That is the stress! I have completed my term paper, taken my science exam, and met with Greeson. The only thing left is to take my math exam which shouldn't be too hard. I can't wait until it is all done because then I can read PC Cast and Card over break.

Misty called me and according to her she is having the worst time of her life latley. I'm dtarting to become immune to her crying, self pitty, and arrogance. I just want to tell her "If something or someone in your life is making you so unhappy then you should get rid of that person or item because I'm getting sick of listening to your crap!" That would feel awesome! hehe!

Ever since I stayed at Linda's house I have been itching like crazy, and today when I was in the shower i noticed that I have a rash all over myself. I'm not totally sure if it is a rash because it is way weird. It is like blood red dots allover. At first glance they could be mistaken for a scabby looking scratch. Hopefully it's nothing too serious!

Today I applyed for a student visa card. I don't think I will get approved but at least I'm trying. "No credit is worse than bad credit".

I'm officially sick. I haven't been bad-sick since I worked at Krogers almost ten months ago. I have a deep hoarse cough. Everytime I do cough I can feel all the veins in my body tighten and my head throb. Most of the time I'm thankful for not passing out or peeing my pants!

The other day I sent three e-mails to smilingsarah@gmail.com. hehe. smiling sarah probably thinks I'm mental, and she replyed to all three saying "I don't know you" "you have the wrong e-mail" "stop sending e-mails to me I don't know you". It was pretty funny!

Well I'm done rambling! It feels good to communicate rather than studying and writing reports! Love ya AShes

"You're my dirty little secret, dirty little secret"

I can finally relax and sleep in my own bed! Nothing better than that!

I loved Narnia. It was funny and exciting! I'm going to put all seven books on my to do list; along with Card and the two books for Greeson.

I'm glad I have my Christmas shopping completed because I'm out of money and mostly because I went by the Dayton Mall and the parking lot was way full.

Did you know that Mountain Dew has vegtable oil in it?

I have to do a rebate for my sis; she got her laptop while they were on sale for the holidays!

Thanks for reading my random thoughts! Lov ya!

We Got Your Christmas Present!

Last night I got trapped at Misty's house because of the ice. We were playing cards until about 11 and didn't even notice that the rain had turned to ice. She had her home and Garden party also. My mom and I bought some things, and we also got talked into having our own party. January 14th @ 5:00 PM. So I expect to see you there!

I want to go shopping! I need to finish buying for my sister and brother. My mom and I did finish your present...well except for the socks. hehe.

Well I need to call Joanie back (she wanted to know if her classes were canceled).
*~bye-bye~*

I'm so excited about Christmas! I can't remember ever being this excited! I guess it doesn' t take much with school, babysitting, and homework usually taking up all of my time. I guess that's why I'm so excited the break in school work!

Today I was checking my yahoo e-mail and I got a virus! I didn't get a virus, because I didn't open it, but I still received one. It was called:
?something?@rocker with the Subject heading: change of password. Beware! I can' t remember the full name because all I was thinking about was deleting it.

Today I am having a good day, but there is a lot of homework I need to get done. I have to meet with Greeson tomarrow before class, and I'm not looking forward to it. I have to write a letter to him explaning what grade I deserve and why, I also have to catch up on some reading, and work on my timeline.

Saturday I am going to Misty's mom's house for a home decoration party at 5:30. If you want to come just call me. I seen a book about the party and it has a lot of cute things in it. Pictures, candles, decorations and so forth.

Well I better get working on my homework yayness. Love

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Yum Yum mashed potatoes and ham here I come!

"Here's forty and last week I gave you sixty so now I'm done right?"

My mom and dad went to Tennessee for the weekend, so my parents left me "in charge" of Ben and of course he's being a big pimply butt. He asked over two friends one of which is Taylor and I dislike Taylor with a Godly passion. Whenever my brother is around his friends he has to show off and be annoying and not listen, but I have been keeping him under control by saying " I'm going to call mom and tell her" or "I'm calling grandma or Joanie to come and get you and then your friends will have to leave", but bye threatening him it is making me feel like an uncool "tattle teller".

I started my Christmas shopping already and it felt very weird Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving. I bought my dad a flannel Coat and Misty a purse.

I lent Misty money, $120.00, and she has been paying me periodically out of her checks. Two weeks ago she gave me $60 and today she gave me $40, so I have gotten back $100, and she says well I have you all paid back. I was mad and gave her a look. She said "what? Is that not all of it" and I said "well you told me that you'd pay me $110." She said ok and that she will give me $10 next week. Then today she said she would by my dad's gift so I could use her discount which would save me $3. I said ok but all I have is a $20 so do you have three ones? She said after I pay I will, but she never gave them to me, and I didn't ask. I should have never let her barrow the money and not only that she makes me drive everywhere. So my lesson learnt is DONT LET YOUR FRIENDS BORROW MONEY!

3 Days, 1 Hour, 13 Minutes, and 50 seconds

There's only four more days until I get to see HP&GOF! I hope will be able to get tickets. I'm thinking that I may go up Friday to get the tickets. Here are the show times for Saturday. I was thinking 2:50 or 3:20 and time the movie is over we will be able to eat. If you think earlier or later then comment! I can't wait.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of FireRated (PG-13) • 2 hrs. 30 min.
BUY TICKETS - 10:20am, 11:20am, 11:50am, 12:50pm, 1:50pm, 2:50pm, 3:20pm, 3:20pm, 4:20pm, 5:20pm, 6:20pm, 7:00pm, 8:00pm, 9:00pm, 10:00pm, 10:40pm

Well let me know and I will go buy the tickets early, so we can hopefully get in to see it!

My dream

I had the most realistic and horrible dream last night!

i dremt that I was still in High School, but my school was mostly made up of black people and the parking lot was huge and full. I had a brand new car and I kept driving around trying to find a parking spot. I finally found one and parked. As I was walking into the school I saw a car full of my new black friends and we decided to skip school and go back to my house. As we pulled into my subdivision we noticed that all the buildings where wrecked. It looked like a tornado had went through. We kept going straight down the street to look at the houses, and I looked over at my house and it looked fine. I had such a feeling of relief! When we were done looking at all the houses we made our way to my house. We pulled up into the second driveway and that's when I noticed that the whole back and far side of my house was missing and everything looked like it had been burnt in a big fire. I got out of my car to look closer. I could see the basement, ground floor, and second floor all at once, because the floor had been burnt away. I was so upset! Then I saw my dad's car in the driveway and I just knew that he had been in the house and was dead. I knew that he was in the basement because he was going to fix a leak in the celing and the reason he had been home and we fixing that leak was because of me. I was the reason he was dead.

That was one of the most real dreams I've ever had. I know I put all the details in, but all the details where so important to the interprtation of the dream. looking back I can see why all the different aspects where there. All the students where black because of my recent visit to the Freedom Center and because on facebook last night I was looking at my friends pictures and all of her friends where black. I dremt I had a new car because my mamaw got a new car yesterday and I got to ride in it. The tornado was there because when I was staying at my aunts house the wind was blowing very hard and I was paranoid about a tornado coming. My dad was home and in the basement because yesterday before I went to bed my dad told me he was going to be in the basement fixing the leak and for me to keep my door unlocked. I thought that was pretty weird!

Well I'm done for now! Love ya

R.A.B. took it!

Hello Earthlings!

I'm much excited there's less than one week until Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire comes to theaters! yayness! As you know I am a bit obsessive with Harry Potter. Ohh and guess what I think I know who R.A.B. is. He was the mystery person in book six! I think it is Sirus Blacks brother, but that concerns me because the Black's are known as a dark family. I wonder if he will be an obstacle or a friend? I can' wait!

I would have gone with you to the coffee shop, I wanted to, but I am tired, broke, and have no gas. I will go with you next time there is a performance. Well I hope you had a great time anyways! I Love You! See ya Tuesday or before!

Without further ado

I'm an absolute genius, but not soon enough. hehe! I finally fixed my internet connection after about two weeks without it. I had to tear my whole computer apart and find a new PCI slot in the mother board that wasn't being used. The whole problem was with the PCI slot that I had it in decided to stop working for unknown reasons. But anywho I'm back!!!

I have so much homework that I was planning on making a dent in today but it didn't happen. I only finished half of my lesson plan for Science. I did finish my book Piaget Primer. It is pretty good if your a parent, teacher, or work with children, because it explains why children act the way they do and what you can expect from certain aged children.

Well I'm going to watch this show on tv about the end of the world. How exciting and depressing! Adios Amigo! Love ya!

Pot heads suck!

Hey! I haven't posted in a while, well that's because Misty seems to think that I need to spend all of my free time with her, and frankly I am tired of it. I have spent to much time with her and I'm done for a very long time, so in the chance that Misty calls you and is wondering were I'm at tell her that I'm swamped with homework and projects!

I had fun at the Halloween party, but we left early because some punk kid brought pot, and then he left and came back with more stuff. I'm not sure what but I think they had zany bars, cocaine, and alcohol. I spent so much time, money, and energy into that party then I had to leave at 9:00 because of punks.

I really miss you! we need to get together this week or weekend!

I'm hungry! Hey I still have those graham cracker things you gave me; I bet they are really stale! hehe:)

Well I'm at school and I need to get to class, so I will tak to ya later! Love ya

Questionnaire about me!

1. FIRST NAME
Ashley

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
No

3. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
Sometimes and it's the same wish every time

4. WHICH FINGER IS YOUR FAVORITE?
I could never choose

5. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
It's been a while thankfully

6. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Sometimes when I don't rush

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Ham

8. ANY BAD HABITS?
Yes

9. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
Actually I threw it away last week, Aqua (Barbie Girl)

10. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I would hope yes, but I could never be sure

11. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
Yes, it was about my brother

12. DO LOOKS MATTER?
No, as long as I'm treated right.

13. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
I yell or go to my room and feel sorry for myself

14. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
Joanie's or Sarah's

15. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
No, but I wish I could

16. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
My trampoline or my bike

17. WHAT CLASS IN SCHOOL DO YOU THINK IS TOTALLY USELESS?
Well it wouldn't be useless if I had another prof, Educational Psychology

18. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL?
Your reading it. Hey did I say you could?

19. ARE YOU SARCASTIC?
Yes only when trying to be funny

20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
No and I don't want to be

21. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Umm... Conversational skills, knowledge, funny personality

22. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Ash, HASHEEEE, Ashhole

23. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Never

24. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I wear flip flops in the middle of winter, and if I do wear shoes with ties they are slip-ons

25. DO YOU THINK THAT YOU HAVE STRONG POINTS?
Everyone has their strong points

26. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Vanilla

27. WHO'S YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Sarah Jo

28. FAVORITE COLORS?
PINK and Black

29. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
One, but it still hasn't broken the surface

30. WHO DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
My Grandfather

31. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Yes

33. LAST THING YOU ATE?
A monster cookie, they are the best

34. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
3-way with Misty and Sarah Burton

35. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Smile and teeth

36. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ?
Besides mandatory books, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

37. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
I'm good. I had a great time last night, so that's making my morning good.

38. FAVORITE DRINK?
H2O

39. DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?
Yes many people: My dad, My mom, sis, bro, Sarah, Kaitlynn, Elisabeth, Emilie

40. Favorite sport?
Soccer and Softball

42. EYE COLOR?
Brown

43. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Nope

44. SIBLINGS?
Little Sister Lauren and Little brother Ben ( he is out of control)

45. Favorite month?
Late October Early November when the trees are changing

46. FAVORITE FOOD?
Chicken and dumpling

47. LAST SHOW YOU WATCHED?
Food Network, Some cooking show

48. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Last day of school before summer break

49. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
DEFINATELY

50. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Autumn

51. HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs of course

52. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Yes...Hehe My name is Scarlet and I am a hooker in downtown New York, so I guess you could say that I have many one night stands. If your ever in New York I stand at Central and Fifth I'll wear a flower in my hair.

I'm soo Bored!

What a time! I've been so bored lately that I decided to go with Misty and her mother to Kentucky so they can buy cheap cigs. This is against my better judgement, because all they do is argue back and forth the whole time they are around each other. At least I'm getting out of the house.

I want to go see the new movie The Fog. It has Smallville hottie Tom Welling in it. The critics rated it as a D+ so I guess I wait until it comes to video or to the dollar theater. He is just so hott and He used to be a model so...yeah.

There's 28 days until Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire comes to theaters. yayness!

I rebooted my computer last night. Now I don't know how to get the internet back on it, so if you have any suggestions. I think I'm thinking too hard about it. I was the one who did it in the first place, but when I put the wireless internet chip into my computer a ballon poped up saying " found new hardware", so that was easy.

Last night I dremt that I was a fairy. A whole bunch of my fairy friends and I were walking through a beautiful garden with hugh flowers. We decided to have a party. We were all dancing and laughing when all of a sudden a dragon on top of this mountain got mad. He started to breathe fire at us, but the fire didn't burn it tickled. The flames then turned into the flowers and we were all happy, even the dragon because we invited him to play with us. That's all he wanted in the first place because everyone thinks he is big and scary, so he has no friends.

What did you dream? Can you remember?

Well I'm going to go full around with my computer and get it back the way I want it. hopefully I can figure out the internet.

I'm singing in the Rain

My brother had his second of three surgeries yesterday. He is doing very well. The doctor let Ben keep three of the screws that we removed. I swear there is blood and bone stuck on all three of them! That's gross!

I've been very sleepy the past few days!

I'm soo upset! My computer is screwed up! It is running very very slow and I'm not sure why because I haven't used it for anything new. I only get on the internet to check my websites everyday and that's all so I couldn't have gotten a virus. But since my computer is messed up I have been using the one upstairs and it is just as bad.

Ashley

I love Her!

Isn't she darlen!

Here is my tattoo. It's nothin fancy, but it's good enough.

I love homework!

I got a tattoo. I like it much. I would post a picture, but I don't know how to get that luxury.

I have so much home work, so I need to get on it!

We need to get together because I haven't seen you (out of school) for a long while. We can try and decide our road trip.

Well Adios. Love ya!

I have a werid feeling about this, but I always do!

This morning at 8:00 AM I was supposed to take my car and get a recall fixed, but I didn't. I don't know why the Chevy dealership wanted me to bring it at 8:00, probabley because they have nothing else to do that early in the morning. I guess they thought I was crazy.

I know this is very gross and you don't want to hear about it but i'm still going to tell you. Everyday, for the past two weeks, I have been waking up with BLACK boogers and Black loogies. I'm kinda scared because I have mold in my room ( the dryer vent rusted through and is leaking on my ceiling which caused a black and brown mold to grow). My dad has been trying to fix it for months but ever finds the time. I don't know anything about mold "poisioning" so I'm not sure if thats the reason for my black "problem". I guess I'll have to check that out.

Well today you are going to see Ashley! I hope you have a great time and stay safe. I'm jealous you get to take a roadtrip without me. We will have to plan a weekend vacation this summer when we don't have any classes! Well talk at ya later.

toot-toot chica-chica toot-toot

Love ya :)


Ashley Nicole

Honestly

I want a tattoo. What do you think about that? It would be in a place that is to hide and it wouldn't be huge. I think I will get my name in pretty text and then have the "y" loop up into a heart or a flower. I think it would be cute.

Tomarrow I have to meet with Greeson. What a bore! he told me that I should meet with him more often, but I think I'll take the chance of a lower grade than to spend more time with him.

I killed a spider on my wall and its guts are still there. yuck! I have been finding lots of spiders in the basement lately, and there not small spiders there the big hairy spiders that I am very very scared of. The other day I got a shirt out of my closet and there was a big spider on it. I don't like that shirt as much anymore it brings back bad memories of hairy spiders.

Well Toots! See ya Love ya

Today I have been very mellow and quite. I'm not sure why, but it's relaxing not having to listen to myself allday.

I have tons of homework. I'm kinda upset because I wrote an e-mail to Tiemeyer and she hasn't written back and I sent it Saturday Afternoon.

I have a countdown to Harry Potter on my desktop thought it would keep me entertained. There's 38 days, 6 hours, 7 minutes and 33 seconds until the movie comes out!

Well i'm done! Toots

Questions and no answers

Do you suppose the people that make pop-up ads have pop up blockers? If they did then they wouldn't see their own advertisements, and if they don't want to see them then what makes them think we do!

What happens to dirty toilet water? Do we end up drinking it again?

I opened up all the windows in my house and I'm laying naked in the cold air...haha I'm just kidding, but why did I open all the windows? Was it to refresh the house or is it because I'm an idiot?

Some say everything you've ever spoken is still surrounding you, just not audible, so when you suddenly think of a past event is it the voices hitting against you?

How come I can learn the words to hundreds of songs but not remember information for a test?

Did you know that Alaska is the biggest state; It takes up all of Wisconsin, Illinois, Montana, Kansas, Iowa, and some of N Dakota, S Dakota, Nebraska, Colorado, Oklahoma, Texas, Georgia, and Tennessee. And I bet its mostly ice!

Why is it that there are waiting list for hybrid cars? Is there a gas and oil conspiracy?

Well if you know any of these answers fell free to comment. I bet my dad would know the answers, why is it that dads always seem to know the answers to useless information?

I skipped class today and I feel really bad about it, but I need to finish my paper. I skipped so I could work on my paper for a couple of hours without kaitlynn here. She dosn't like it when I sit on the computer and make her watch t.v. Well I better get busy! Ta-Ta:)

This Months Happenings

October 1-31: National Breast Cancer Awarness Month, so you better fill up your boobs! I'm just kidding, but it wouldn't hurt to check.

October 4: Tonight is Lauren's Senior Night for soccer. My mom and dad are going to walk her down the field. Sometimes the players brothers and sisters walk to, but I'm not sure if Ben and I have too.

October 6: It's Lauren's B-day. And My Text Analysis for EDL 204 is due.

October 8: Sarah is going to the Concert! I'm going to see if my mom will go to the coffee shop with me or maybe my family can do something like the haunted trail or a movie.

October 15: No Class Fall Midterm!! A whole Saturday to myself! Sarah is going to leave me and go to Michigan, Have lots of fun!

October 30: Daylight savings time~ extra hour of sleep!

October 31: Halloween! Offically 18 days until Harry Potter movie comes out! I know I'm addicted!

Snow...That Makes Me Think of Frankenmuth!

I had a great time last night! Masque is a great club it's super clean, classy, and inviting. There was a great atmosphere: probabley because it is a gay club were everyone is different and they don't care if you are. Misty's cousin, Michael, is so great he made me meet everyone he knew. The night went just as I expected it to and I'm glad I got to experience it. Hopefully I'll get to go back again and maybe you can come ;)

It's official Ben is addicted to porn. Last month he ran up the payper view bill to $150, and my mom found out. I figured that once he knew that my mom was on to him then he would quit but that isn't the case. He has since then been warned three times to quit ordering porn, but he just can't stop. He even orders it late on school nights.

Well I need to start on my homework. Toot-a-Loo!

What did you dream about last night?

I got my math test back... I got a B. This is better than I thought it was going to be. I hated that stupid chapter! Well It hurt my overall grade I now have a 92% in the class. This is much sad.

I have nothing in particular to talk about. Thats sad. That means nothing interesting has happened in the past few days. Something interesting should happen everyday!

I'm addicted to pac man and logic puzzles. I found Pac Man on a link @ bored.com, but I haven't found a web site that has these certain logic puzzles ( i'm not sure what they are called... there the ones your mom likes and the extra credit we got in math class), so I'm disappointed.

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

Ahh Memories!

Well I'm not in the mood to write. more than likely you can tell with my bad sentence structures. Well I'm going to take a nap! Goodnight!

"Hasheee? Poop!" beautiful words from a one year old

Oh My God! Monday was a normal early day. I got up early to go to lab. When I got to my classroom I sat down and reached into my backpack to get my lab manual, but before I could get my book out I looked down at the strap of my bag and there was a HUGE spider. This was the biggest spider I have ever seen! At least a 2 inch diameter! I freaked out!! I stood up really fast and then it started moving. Thank the lord for my very brave lab partner, Suzie, because she got a cup and took it outside. That was one lucky spider because if it were my choice I would have killed it! ugghhh *shivering and checking floor around me* The thing that freaks me out is that I had that bag around me and that spider was on it.

Saturday I'm going clubbing. Misty and some of my other friends are going to Celebrity and Masque; These are gay clubs (her cousin is gay so he is taking us). I'm kinda nervous, but she reassured me that I would have a blast. She said that there are a lot of people that dress in drag, and I would laugh my butt off at some of the outfits. She also said that towards the end of the night they don't care who they kiss (XY or XX), so I have to be on alert!

$ 2.80... GOOD LORD that's a lot of money!!

Today is a peaceful, no kids yelling, getting homework done kind of day. Just as I had planned this weekend is very nice.

Yesterday I had a b-day party at my aunt Joanie's house. My aunt Sue decorated my cake for me. I never knew how good she was, and I believe that she could be a professional cake decorator. I got some money but on the way home I spent half of it on gas. It was $2.80 last night and I have something to say about that. OK... I know when Katrina hit the gas was ridiculously high and I can see why since it did destroy some refineries, but last night this hurricane hadn't even struck land and the gas went up 20+ cents. If this hurricane did cause any problems with oil production then wouldn't we see the effects a few weeks from now??

I had many things to say when I started this post, but then I started listening to music and I lost all train of thought, so when I decide to remember I will write again.

Name this song:
" I think I can't... I think I can't, but I think you can I think you can."
" Never underestimate my Jesus, your telling me there's no hope I'm telling you your wrong, Never underestimate my Jesus but when the world around you crumbles you will be strong..."

I love that song, at the end he sing rather high and he sounds so sexy!

Well I'm going to go get a coffee with my mom and brother. Then I have to clean my room; I'm to the point of where there are paths through the clothes that I have to walk in. I'm such a procrastinator! Adios

Ramblings while at School

I'm at school right now. :( I've been here since 8:00 AM and I wont be leaving until around 8:00 PM. I had class from 8:30 until 12:15. I presented a group presentation (well it was suppose to be a group project but I did 85% of it myself) and I did really well. Thanks Sarah! But right now I'm in the library waiting to meet with my EDL 204 group, and while I've been waiting I have been catching up on my homework.

I want to go to the Haunted Trail do you want to go this weekend or next?

Yum I want Chinese food and a Rasberry White Chocolate Mocha; not necessarily together but sometime.

I'm looking forward to this week of tv; Lost, Survivor, and CSI

I had a great weekend! Thank you. Lets do it again soon.

I'm 19...I feel so different

Today is my birthday...and my grandma's... and Elisabeth's... and James'... and two of my friends from school... and Jackie's... and I think that's all. It has sucked so far all I've been doing is cleaning and cooking. yeahness! This is my last year in the teens, and I'm glad.

I want a Frozen Rasberry White Chocolate Mocha with double the coffee! yum~yum! I also want to go to the Haunted Trail or rather The Land of Illusions. Why would they change the name? I guess because they have more than the Haunted Trail, now they have 3 more adventures. I also want to go to the movies and shopping and the Rennissance Festivel.

This week of school really sucked! I have two group projects and both of my groups really suck. I have to do all the work. That really sucks!

Well I need to go I have to get in the shower and finish cooking.

What I don't have PayPal or an account with EBay

I suppose I have paypal and didn't know it. Kinda worries me still.

"We recently noticed an attempt to log in to your Paypal account from a foreign Ip address and we have reason to believe that your account was used by a third party without you authorization. Respond to this message if you have logged onto Paypal from a new computer while on vacation. If not then we have no other choice but to suspened your account until future notice.

If I were...

If I were a month, I'd be: October (the leaves and dry air)
If I were a day of the week, I'd be: Friday
If I were a time of day, I'd be: 8:00 AM (no ones out at that time)
I were a planet, I'd be: Venus, I like rings
If I were a sea animal, I'd be: a sponge
If I were a direction, I'd be: NWN,North West North
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be: a porch swing
If I were a sin, I'd be: endulgence
If I were a historical figure, I'd be: Lincoln gotta love the hat
If I were a liquid, I'd be: H2O
If I were a tree, I'd be a: a very tall tree with flowers or fruit
If I were a bird, I'd be a: Pheonix
If I were a tool, I'd be: Key to unlock your...
If I were a flower/plant, I'd be: Daisy/Fern
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: Windy and myseterious
If I were a mythical creature, I'd be a: mermaid
If I were an animal, I'd be a: a worm
If I were an element, I'd be: silver
If I were a book, I'd be: Fairy Tales
If I were a food, I'd be: Chili or chicken
If I were a place, I'd be:Frankenmuth, Michigan
If I were a material, I'd be: Silk
If I were a taste, I'd be: sweet and sour
f I were a scent, I'd be: roses
If I were a word, I'd be: PNEUMONO­ULTRA­MICRO­SCOPIC­SILICO­VOLCANO­CONIOSIS (cancer but very long)
If I were an object, I'd be the: moon
If I were a body part, I'd be:eyes
If I were a facial expression, I'd be: surprised
If I were a cartoon character, I'd be: Daria
If I were a shape, I'd be: a star
If I were a number, I'd be: Pi, never ending

"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been"

I feel alone. It's probably because I am alone most of the time. The horrible part is that most of the time I choose to be alone; when I stay in the basement to get away from everyone else. At this point in my life there aren't many things I can look back on and be completely happy with.

I have a horrible attitude which makes it hard for people to totally get along with me. I'm afraid to lose everything. My worst flaw is my stubbornness. I know I'm very stubborn and this is one of my downfalls, but once my stubbornness kicks in I can't remember to keep control of myself.

Control... I believe control is my biggest fear. I am afraid that I will loose control of my life. If I lost control of anything I'm not sure I could handle it. I like to have control over everything gin my life; that's why I get car sick when I'm a passenger in a car or when something doesn't happen the way I want it to. I even try to control people around me hoping that if everything goes the way I want it then my life would be easier, but in reality it makes things harder because I hurt people around me and I make my problems theirs.

Why am I so controlling? What is my problem? Why do I hurt those I love? Why am I afraid to take chances? Why do I have to feel superior to everyone? Why does my life suck? What am I suppose to do now?

I understand it's my fault

The many things on my mind

I haven't written in a very long time... but that's ok I'm here now.

Thursday after class I had to meet with my prof. Me and three other girls conferenced with him at the same time. He is so awful. I told him that I had read the whole diary, so he decided to pick one kid out and have me talk about that kids problems. I read the diary three weeks ago and I couldn't remember all the details of the child he choose, and neither could the other three girls, so he decided that we all needed to look over the book again. He did ask a lot of questions about the text book and I knew most of the answers. I wish that he could be normal.

Today has been boring. I've been catching up on my homework. I also started a "diet". Not a known diet, rather a diet that I made up. I'm not going to deprive myself of anything I want but I'm not going to eat a lot of it either. My biggest problem is at night when I get in a snacking mood and the exercising.

tomorrow in Math I have my first test. I'm kind of nervous but I should do well. I hate only having one class a week because I never remember anything that we have went over. I do like my prof she is down to earth and funny. After class I'm going to my sisters game.

Next Saturday my Aunt Missy is having a party and she invited me and anyone I wanted to come. It's to celebrate Michael Jackson. I don't like MJ and I think he should have been guilty for something (like child endangering for dangling his baby off a balcony). I don't really want to go but I told her I would. There's going to be younger people there that went to MUM so maybe I will know someone.

I need to schedule the Praxis but I'm scared of it! I think I'll do one part at a time.

well I'm done for now. Back to studying.
I can't type with these nails on!

I wrote a paper today and oddly enough it was fun to write.

My mom can't come to the party with me, but she still wants to buy some things for her.

I have to stay after class tomarrow and meet with my professor that talks for forever. UGH

Tomarrow I have to cut grass, but I don't have to babysit!

I'm sick.

Well I'm done.

Ramblings of a College Student

I'm trilled with myself and how I've been able to keep ahead of my homework. Procrstinating is sooo not worth it. It also helps now that I have picked Early childhood education as my major becuase now i'm working towards a goal I want to accomplish, and some of the classes aren't that bad. The more I go to Greeson's class the more I hate it, i'm soo going to skip one day! I like my science and Math profs they are nice and make the subject interesting.

Are you still having that Pampered Chef party? If so where and when. I asked my mom to come if thats ok.

What a bore!

I have a Saturday class. That kinda sucks, but I'll get over it. EDL 204 is going to be hard. We also have to do that big project, and my prof told me that the syllabus is from Oxford and that the book is written by profs at oxford especially for this class. I guess everyone gets the same experience. Well I need to get to bed. Until the sun rises again.

? ? ?

If you notice the blog below this you will notice that I have 9 comments; I have never had this many comments, so this arose some skepticism. After reading all of the comments I have now realized that no one is safe. Whether it's in you mail box, e-mail, or just pops up on your screen every now and then junk is impossible to escape. Well I need to get to bed I have class tomorrow.

Classes Started Today

I think our teacher is very interesting. He seems very down to earth. The one thing I'm upset with is the really annoying boy from History 111 is in our class. This kid is very rude, but he doesn't realize it. He attacks anything that he believes is untrue and he will argue his point (for way too long). I'm done

Ashley Clay ~ September 16, 1986

Your Individuality: Sun in Virgo

You were born under the sign of VIRGO and your ruling planet is Mercury, which endows you with outstanding mental qualities.

Your Sun sign is MUTABLE and this will impel you to function as a COMMUNICATOR, either in thought or action. You won't feel comfortable in a leadership position, but rather in a subordinate position or service. One of your functions is to help others to solve their problems.

Virgo is an EARTH sign and this makes you realistic, practical and concrete. You will have a strong desire to accomplish material goals and need to feel that your career or enterprises permit you to grow a little more each year.

Sarah Lewis ~ July 1, 1986

Your Individuality: Sun in Cancer

You were born under the sign of CANCER and your ruling planet is the Moon, which endows you with great sensitivity and a strong protective instinct toward your loved ones.
Your Sun sign is CARDINAL and this indicates that you were born to be a leader, either in thought or action. You are never completely satisfied in a subordinate position carrying out the ideas of others, unless they are part of your aspirations. You are comfortable working independently or occupying a leadership position.
Cancer is a WATER sign, which makes you receptive and intense. The success of your projects depends almost exclusively on your emotional state. You need the feeling of warmth and intimacy to perform adequately. You will have to control your degree of outside influence and your changeability.

Walking in my Shoes

I'm going to tell you about an event. And I'm going to tell it from my perspective.

I had just finished eating supper, so I decided to go to my room and check my mail. As I was walking down the stairs I heard the t.v. blasting and my brother yelling; he was playing video games. The closer I got to the last step the more I smelt bleach; I questioned this slightly but since I had used bleach the night before I waived it off. But I did start to become very nervous because I didn't lock my bedroom door.

As I rounded the corner into the living room I noticed that my brother had friends over and that they were acting very smug. At this point I also noticed the smell of a burnt match. I instantly knew they had been in my room because I had Lit a candle.

I walked to my room and I noticed the bleach smell becoming stronger and stronger. My heart dropped. After confirming the candle being blown out I looked more closely around. I looked over at my t.v. it had been sprayed with bleach ( heart pounding, panicking, and veins filled with adrenaline I turned to search my whole room) ... My plants ... My mirror ... My bed ... My clothes on the bed ... My COMPUTER ... My desk ... And all the things that were on the desk had been sprayed with bleach.

I ran past my brother (doing quite well not to kill him) and went to get my mother. As I ran up the stairs I couldn't help but start crying. I reached my mother. I was hoping that my mother like most "normal" mothers would help me seek my vengeance, but I was wrong. As I told her what happened she didn't seem to interested and then she did the unthinkable, she turned the situation around and blamed me. "I can't ever sit down, relax, and eat my supper can I?"......... "You should have locked your door". This made my so so so mad. I lost my temper and said "If you don't do anything about this then I WILL". She sat there and stared at the t.v.

I went back down stairs to confront my brother.
"Why did you do it?"
"Do what?"
"You know what you did, WHY?"
"You used my matches to light your candle and I only had three left."
"OMG!"

This is about the time I heard my mothers feet banging towards the basement door. She came to see my room and while looking around, murmuring to herself, she said, "get a washcloth and was it with some soap and hot water." And then left. No punishment was given.

Everything I own is now sprayed an ugly shade of white.

I have decided to seek my own vengeance. I'm going to write a letter to my mother explaining myself and also tell her all of Ben's horrible secrets. The only thing that can ruin this is if she still does nothing to him... Which seems very likely, so along with my letter I'm going to collect all the physical evidence that my brother discards in the corn growing behind our house.

Hmmm... I'm Bored

I have exactly one week of free time to myself before school starts.

Who said I could write poems

You say you love me
but how can I believe you.
You look at me with disgust
and the other two with pride.

All I can do is keep living this lie
and hope that you love me.

The things you call me keep sinking in.
misfit...lazy...bitch
And now I realize that I am all of these things.

But all I can do is keep living this lie
and hope that you love me.

Maybe one of these days
I will become your perfect little girl
Or maybe not.

All I can ask is Do you still love me?

New C.D.... $14.99
New Shoes... $9.99
Not paying Ashley to babysit two weeks in a row... Priceless, no seriously PRICELESS!

Did You Know?

I spent this last weekend all alone with my mother. This was very weird because I never spend time with her unless we are grocery shopping or cleaning.

There's only 100 days left until Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire comes out in Theater.

My Dad's Birthday is this Sunday...I need to buy him something.

My 19th Birthday is only a month away. I'm a Virgo.

We bought speakers for the computer upstairs and only one of them worked, so we took them back and bought new ones, and still only one works.

Will Smith is Hott!

I painted my brothers toenails bright pink.


I spent $2.59 on gas today.

*Mentally Exhausted*

Today I'm in a bad mood. At the beginning of the day I was looking forward to a day of shopping with my aunt and grandma.

We decided to go to Target first. I was having a great time pushing all three of the kids around by myself until we saw Grandma. Emilie decided to go with her and I took the other two to find their mother. I found Joanie and we where standing in an isle admiring lightbulbs when Grandma and Emilie came over. Both of them were gloating on the two new Barbie dolls that Grandma was going to buy Emilie. This of course upset Elisabeth and Kaitlynn, but Joanie was furious. We decided to leave.

We went across the street to TGIF for lunch. While there Grandma talked to no one, and Joanie talked to me and the kids. When we finally got our lunch Grandma starts saying to Emilie "Come sit next to me no one else likes me", "Lets not fight about stupid things", Pointing at Joanie and me..."I know you two are talking about me". At this point I was very Angry, because I wasn't talking about her. The whole time I was trying to get Joanie to let it go, and to be the mentor of two big babies. After finishing our lunch in silence we left to Sam's.

I decided to stay in the car and listen to my new c.d., My Chemical Romance, and to let my mind work through all of my thoughts.

Grandma came out first. I started to help her unload the groceries... I went to pick up some books when she ripped them out of my hand and said "Not these I bought these for those stupid kids." "Why does everyone have to tell me how to spend my money?" At this point I'm ready to explode, because she actually said infront of me "those stupid kids" and everyone knows that she is very unfair to Joanie's kids and that she gives Emilie whatever she wants. I calmly say "No one is telling you how to spend your money, but you do have to be fair with the younger grandchildren, or if you are going to buy Emilie something don' t let the other kids know. " She just gets in the car talking to herself. I get in to wait on Joanie and grandma says " I want to go home...I'm going home and staying there until I die...which better be soon"

More and more each day I see more of G-Grandma Rodefer in Grandma, and more and more each day I see more of Grandma in my Mom. OHHH I don't want to deal with this when I get older.

The only good that came from to day was My Chemical Romance c.d.

Never Been Kissed

Well, I'm gettin kinda concerned for ya. You seem to have a cyber stalker. Just keep a safe set of mind and stay smart. And if you do ever want to meet I will go with you!

This week has been as productive as all the weeks before, so in reality I haven't completed any of my goals. I have been thinking a lot about never having a boyfriend. My heart yearns to love another, but I do not believe I will anytime soon. Do you remember when you would write in a journal to your future husband? I always thought that was a good idea; you wouldn't be able to forget to tell him anything.

The ever nearer thought of school has already started to get me down. I just hate it, but I love it at the same time. I think it will be better this year than last because last year I was taking classes that had nothing to do with my chosen major.

Well I have to clean my house and then i'm going to Misty's because she is leaving for Florida Wed, so I will write at ya later.

From Yonder Window...

So last night I stayed up until 5 in the morning sitting around a campfire with my brother and his friends. I know this doesn't sound very appealing, but it actually was. I learned a lot about my brother and his friends; good and bad.

This week I've been in a sewing mood. I made a hobo bag that is made with a bright orange swirly fabric. It is very big, has a pocket, and I sewed a flower from buttons on the front. The next thing I made was another hobo bag! It is cordoroy and has buttons allover it. they are cute!

Well I'm done for now, so Write at ya later.

Check Please!

I have found my keys that have been missing for two days. It is such a relief. I hate the feeling I get when I lose something and you've looked everywhere to find it, and there's nothing else you can do. It's like your mind and heart fighting: Heart "they have to be somewhere" mind "you've look everywhere, so you should just give up and except defeat." I'm glad I found them.

I haven't written in a while and to be honest it was kinda nice; I just never have anything to talk about and sometimes I'm just to lazy to think about something to write.

Well I have to go for now I'm helping my mom babysit. Ronnie seems very interesting.

I have decided two things...

First: After I cooled off and reread what I wrote about the kids I felt ashamed and very cruel. I know that I wrote that entry in the heat of anger, and I also know that I cannot delete it because it is still "me" and my thoughts. From now on I'm going to cool off before I write then "maybe" I will think twice before I write anything that is cruel. Afterall they are kids and they are looking to me for some guidance.

Second: After 200 grueling pages of LOTR I have decided to stop reading it. It's not that it's a bad book it's just boring. I still want to know what happens but at the same time I don't want to waste my valuable time reading it either. Maybe when I get old as dirt and have a boring life I will re-read it and it may have a different effect on me.

I highlighted my hair! Harry Potter comes out Saturday! That's all for know folks!

'Ashely she took my shoes, and wont give them back...I want them back (sniffles) they are mine(crying)

These past few weeks I have just been so sick of children. I babysit two times a week and my mom babysits two times a week, so the kids are at our house the whole week and most of the time there here on the weekends. I'm mostly annoyed by the little things that they do, and not totally be their presence.

The number one reason I'm not too fond of kids right now is becase it is the summer and I want to be able to go out and have fun, but if I want to do this I have to drag around two kids. I feel like a grown adult with two children; a Soccer Mom.

I also hate the amount of money I get paid; $15 dollars a day for two kids and $10 for one kid, and most of the time I have them from 6:30 AM to 6:00 PM. Their mother is at work making at least $20/hour, so I feel that I should at least get paid what she does in one hour. Right? If it wasn't for me she would have to hire a babysitter that would want $50/ day. I'm not out to cause problems for Joanie and her reliable babysitters, so I never say anything. If I ever did get a raise I would feel horrible for taking the money. So I guess I will let her keep walking all over me.

Another thing I hate is that the kids don't listen.When they first get to the house they don't listen to me, it takes them about two hours to realize that I'm not their mother and they have to listen to me. Throughout the day Kaitlynn doesn't listen at all, but she is still young and testing her boundries. When they do start to listen the day starts to become smoother.

The last little complaint I have is how loud they are. They definatly take after their mother.

Most of the time I'm strict with them but that's the way I was brought up and that's the way I will bring my kids up. I believe that most children these days haven't had the proper guidence, which is mostly due to Parents wanting to be friends with their children, and that is a no! no! because then your kids will walk allover you with no respect.

Well i'm done venting L8R

There's not much to talk about really...

I did start to read LOTR, and so far I'm enjoying it. The movies are way different from the books. The books have a lot more details and events, which is normal when a book is turned into a movie. I always hate seeing a movie before reading a book because you know what's going to happen, and I would rather read the book and then see the movie.

I have decided not to get my hair permed but instead cut short. That will be a big change for me, most of the time my hair is very long.

Well since nothing eventful has happened in the past few weeks I'm done talking for now. Later!

I like Screamers

I've been listening to a lot of music lately. I like all genres but my favorites are punk and rock. Rock gets your heart pumping and you can't help but knock your head. When I'm in the car listening to rock I will look down at the speed-o-meter and I'll be so caught up in the music that I'll be going fifteen over. I like punk because of the in-your-face attitude and the screaming. My sis is all for punk and she goes to see a lot of local bands preform. She got to meet Hawthorne Heights before they were noticed. Thats pretty cool.

Today I'm going to go out with my friends. I haven't seen Michelle x2 in so long, well since graduation, and I believe theirs going to be that weird ackward silence. I hate that because when we were still in school we could talk for hours about anything, but now that you haven't seen them in forever theres nothing to talk about. You would think that it would be the opposite.

I think my boobs have grown, which is very weird I thought I was done maturing since I am 19.

"June 1st we are the farthest from the sun"

I have a few rules that I follow while getting dressed like: No brown and black together, try and match shoes with shirt for balance, certain necklaces and earrings are to be worn with certain hairstyles and shirts, and when wearing light colored shirts have a matching bra. This morning I got dressed and didn't realize it but broke two of my rules. I was wearing brown and black at the same time and I had a yellow bra on with a light pink shirt.

Well it's about time for me to leave so I'll talk at ya later.

Along with summer comes a time on which nothing happens, and hence I have nothing to talk (write) about. This is very sad.

The summer has defiantly turned me into a movie junkie. On part because I have no job, and have no other way to spend my time. I've been spending ten dollars a week on renting movies Via PPV of blockbuster. I am dying to go to the movies! I want to see War of the Worlds, Madagascar, Star Wars, Sisterhood of the traveling Pants, and the new scary movie Walking Dead, or something of that sort.

I did start to get things done that have been on my check list. I opened a checking account, fixed my debit card, and went shopping.

Well I'm all out. See ya later.

I feel all grown up

This week I'm house sitting for my Aunt. It feels very odd to be in a huge house all by myself. At first I was freaked out because she has animals that make noises that I'm not expecting to hear. When it was time to go to bed I checked that all the doors were locked multiple times. I kept thinking to myself "Now I know Why Joanie was so paranoid". I have decided if I ever have to live alone that I'm going to get a cat of a small dog that will keep me company.

My cousin, Emilie, and Lauren have coerced me into swimming, so I have to go for now.

Secrets can be fun

I just found a very interesting blog http://postsecret.blogspot.com. It is a very interseting idea! Well thats all I have to share for now.
ASH

I see a house that looks oddly like a barn... A raised flower bed that will grow pumpkins...

Are psychics real?

I was watching a show with my mom about psychics that help the police solve murders. Before I watched this show I never thought it could be possible, but this show seemed to change my mind. The more I watched the more convinced I became about the supernatural insight.

I guess it could be possible...Maybe the visions are from God to help us... Would you consider it a dark art or good art? It's hard to believe people because there are a lot of frauds; people wanting to get their five minutes of fame or to earn a quick buck. And most of the time I don't like to believe things that aren't backed up by Scientific Data, but on the other hand there are many things that I do believe in that can't necessarily be backed up by Data: God.

In my psychology class we watched a movie about scientific experiments involving psychics. I believe that 90% of their predictions were true. What if it's all coincidental? Seems hard to believe. I do know one thing I would like to have the insight, but only when I wanted to use it.

Farewell, until we meet again

I think I'll move on to the Lord of the Rings!

Tear...

I'm finished with Harry Potter 1-5. Now I'm going through withdraw (which is very pathetic) and I'm counting the days until the next book comes out. I put some much time aside so that I could read, and now that I'm done I don't know what to do with my time. If you go to Harry Potter prisoner of Azkaban.com then you can see a trailer for the new movie, which comes out in November. You can't see much, but what I can make out is that the boys have grown up and they are very Hott. Is it a date??

Well I have to go I'm cleaning and babysitting. I feel like a mother!

Well Love Ya! Buh~bye